I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while. My creativity has been flowing, just not across the page in the form of the written word. You know how it goes so I will save us all the misery of whining about my busy life and all of my projects and get down to my area of interest for today.
Names- Names are HUGE! Majorly important. A name can make or break most anything. Movies, plays, products, you name it. If the name of something is bad, most people have a hard time getting past it to the actual product. I am sure there are many items that were fabulous in their own special ways but were ruined by terrible name choices.
Here are some examples:
Anti Monkey Butt?! Seriously?!
What were these marketers thinking?
BH and I have the same name. We spell it differently but it’s the same. It’s also a nickname. We agree that it made life more complicated as children.
We also agree that it very vanilla and we wish we had other names. Our mothers had good intentions but, well, neither of us feel as though it really matches either of our personalities. BH has pushed me to change my name so that we don’t have the name confusion that we inevitably have whenever we meet new people. People always think we are speaking in the third person. Which is creepy.
I always respond that she should change hers. She then tells me she’s older and had the name longer so I should change mine. I call her old, stick my tongue out and walk away. I win. Well, okay, I don’t really win because no one changes their name but still- she’s older! Hah!
Our common obsession with names has led to some interesting pet names and major angst over names for our children. I tend to be the free spirit and BH tends toward family names. We pretty quickly agreed to GC1’s name but I have questioned our choice a few times over the last 8 years. It’s a great name and she likes her name but maybe I should have insisted on something with more pizzazz. I totally think she could carry Blue as a middle name. Totally.
We covered the need for family names with both children and honored some women we love very much so generally speaking, I am pleased with their names but I do have had my moments. Like when my brother and his wife named their son the coolest name in history and I was so jealous I almost cried. That kid can’t help but be fabulous with a moniker like the one he’s blessed with. There will NEVER be three more of him in a classroom. NEVER!
To assuage my need for interesting names, I have worked tirelessly to instill in GC1 the creative name picking talent. BH and I have also picked some interesting names for some of our pets. Even if the animal has an average spoken name, you can rest assured that his or her full name is its own brand of interesting.
The following is a list of various pet names we have come up with over the years:
· Alexxander Theopolis - Alexx. BH added the extra X. Never was sure why.
· Samantha Jane- Sam was so fabulous her name had to be low keyed so it wasn’t just too damned much. Plus, it normalized her. She was one seriously strange looking mutt.
· Jackson Lamont- Jack is so white bread he needed some soul in his name.
· Rajjit Amadeus Amadeus - Raj needs A LOT of name because she is A LOT of personality in a tiny little package.
· Henry Beauregard Bojangles- He came as Beau and we felt the need to spice it up.
· Crush- Poor Crush was named by GC1 right after Finding Nemo when she was 4 years old. We were disappointed in her lack of creativity, but what can you do?? Stupid Disney.
· John Terry- Beta Fish. Deceased. RIP John Terry.
· Steve- 5 year old goldfish that the cat ate. RIP Steve.
· Tiger Lily Lucille- Cool calico cat we adore.
· Esme Chrysanthemum- We allowed GC1 to name the hen because she was upset that we would not let her name her soon-to-be sister Chrysanthemum.
· Lily Sparkles- Hen
· Sketchy Longneck- Sketchy long-necked hen
· Netty Buttercup- Giant butter colored hen
· Mathilda the Mean- Rooster. Informally known as Mattie until “he went to live on the farm”.
Here is the kicker for this whole essay- I can’t ever remember names! EVER! I have a weird mental block and I just blank on names and BH has to tell me over and over again and even then I sometimes can’t pull it from the ether. To make up for this disability- I am slowly becoming the breed of Southern Women I call “The Honey Baby Sugar Women”. Like Flo on Mel’s Diner.
You know- the women who call everyone Honey, Sugar, Darlin’ or Baby? I have decided to be one of these women. My current favorite nickname is Punkin. Sometimes- Punkin Pants. I also call people things like Flip Flop, Pop Tart, Lollipop, Fred, Bernard and Antsy Pants. Maybe also- Robert. Even if their name isn’t Robert and they maybe aren’t men. I am slowly building my eccentricity reputation so that my dementia will be less noticeable as I age. The only time this is a problem is when children are so enamored with their new nicknames that they expect me to call them that forever. GC1 got angry the other day because she was a shoe and her cousin was a toaster pastry. She felt that Pop Tarts trumped Flip Flops any day of the week.
I just made everyone play the quiet game and sat in my chair trying to remember all of their names so that I could yell at them if the need arose.
To all of the Honey Baby Sugar Women currently in my life, I proudly announce that I am one of you! I may even steal your nicknames sometime if they all I can remember at that moment.